THIS IS IT, BOYS
"ORANGUTANS!!! ATTENTION!! THIS AXE IS TOUGH, HAS A FIBERGLASS HANDLE AND A PICK OPPOSITE THE AXE BLADE. YOU, GUYS, COULD TEAR-UP MOST ANYTHING WITH IT; CHASE ZOMBIES, DESTROY WHOLE FORESTS, DEMOLISH ENTIRE BUILDINGS, MAYBE EVEN BRICK STRUCTURES. ME, I USE IT TO SPLIT KINDLING. IT'S HEFTY, STRONG AND JUST FEELS GOOD IN THE HAND. BESIDES ALL THAT, IT'S PRETTY."