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5 1/2 oz. of magically delicious unicorn meatFrom small convent cannery in rural IrelandCrunchy, calcium-rich horn bits throughoutTastes like chicken w/ hint of marshmallow Polyunsaturated, lowers LDL cholesterolSparkly meat looks classy, sophisticatedOK, for real - you can’t eat this. It’s a dismembered, stuffed toy unicorn in a can
As is well-known, unicorns frolic all over the world, pooping rainbows and marshmallows wherever they go. Less well-known is these magical creatures are drawn to County Meath, Ireland at the end of their lives, where the Sisters at Radiant Farms feed them candy corn until their meat becomes deliciously marbled, and the keratin surrounding the horn develops a flavor similar to candied almonds. Blending the crushed unicorn horn into the meat adds a delightful crispiness, and we are confident you will find a world of bewilderment in every mouthful of scrumptious unicorn meat. Unfortunately, due to restrictions on the importation of mythical processed foodstuffs, we are unable to offer our Canned Unicorn Meat the way the Sisters intend. When you open your can, you will find one tiny unicorn, appropriately sliced into its main cuts of meat. Simply use your growth ray (not included) to re-embiggen the unicorn before processing. You can also take it to your local Mad Scientist-Butcher for additional direction.
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